august: walking the walk

This month almost escaped me.

But I have been working on something big this month in my ever evolving efforts to become more focused, genuine and free this year.

It's actually just really simple and probably the most important thing I could be doing for myself.

It probably could have been my one and only new year's resolution and I would have been set.

I've always known that I need to be doing it.

I always say I will...

later...

when I have more time...

Then, it was when the school year was over...

Then, it was after my busy summer...

And now I realize that life is always going to be busy.

ALWAYS.

I do that to myself.

I can get more sleep, vow to take a day off once a week, re-organize my house, and be healthier, but until I get a grip on this, I will always be longing for more.

Time in scripture.

It's as simple as that.

But it's not simple.

It's hard.

Why is it that I continue to put other things first?

It should be the most important thing on my to do list.

At the very top.

It should come before everything else.

I can say I believe that knowing the Lord is the most important thing in life.

In my one year letter to Henry, I told him that the world is broken and that people, success, possessions and wealth will disappoint, but that the Lord provides the only unfaltering love there is.

However, just saying those things isn't enough.

I need to live it.

The only way to really take full advantage of the graces available to me from a loving God is to know who He is, what He would say if I could hear His voice and then to allow those words to change me.

So, after years and years of wishing that I had more time and putting it last even though I know it should be first, I am finally committing.

I am simply doing it.

I am reading my bible instead of letting it collect dust.
...Well, sort of.
I actually use the bible app on my iPad or iPhone more often than my actual bible.

My small group is currently doing a Beth Moore study of James.

For me, doing a guided study is the only way.

I am no use at just opening my bible and aimlessly reading and trying to make meaning of it.

Maybe someday, after I have more background knowledge from doing guided studies, I will be able to do more of that, but for now I am committing to doing my homework for small group and when this study is finished, I am committing to starting a new study that requires me to learn God's written word.

Some days I will have a lot of time and some days I will not but any amount is better than nothing.

Beth Moore studies are really intense.

There is an hour long video and then 5 days of homework which can take about an hour each.

Our small group only meets every two weeks though, so I am able to give myself some grace and take it a little more slowly.

So far, I am truly loving it.

Getting started was the hard part.

I have trouble just sitting down, looking away from the computer, the dishes, the laundry, the crafts, but once I am sitting and reading and engaged, I love it and I crave more.

And as usual with God, everything seems to be perfectly timed and everything we happen to be studying seems to be exactly what I needed to hear that day.

Isn't it funny how that always works?